Dick Cheney's Unnatural Move to Wyoming

The bombshell dropped in the latest day of testimony during the trial of Scooter Libby has judge Nelson J Parner on the verge of declaring the whole embarrassment a mistrial. Monday, Libby testified that the Vice-President's move to Wyoming was less about political influence peddling and tax purposes than about the "unnatural practices" that Cheney is famous for in a closed circle of friends. When the issue began to be probed deeper by state prosecutor Ely Falgento, Libby related that it was well known by neighbors in Wyoming that " Cheney would screw just about anything he could fit into, but he has a particular fondness for a yellow lab named Daisy. He takes that poor dog everywhere. And apparently Dick thinks I'm next in line." The courtroom fell dead silent and the judge declared an immediate recess one hour before lunch. A closed door session with the all attorney's involved followed.
Upon the return to session, Libby was warned to make his language suitable for a courtroom of law and his previous remarks were stricken from the transcripts. Neighbor of Cheney John C. Thompson told CNN report Barkushga Nipal by telephone "In Wyoming, what a man does with his animals is no bodies business but his own, oh and his wife of course." Is this the reason for Cheney's new interest in miniature stallions? If Monday was any example of coming testimony, it is sure to become unnaturally clear in the end.

Anna Nicole Smith's dies, Nowak complicite?

Following the tragic death of Anna Nicole Smith, there has not been a single mention of fallen astronaut Lisa Nowak wearing a diaper.

Kooky Astronaut's diaper on eBAY.

Less than 24 hours after being charged with first degree murder a further indignity has been heaped onto the plate of suspended Astronaut Lisa Nowak. Due to an oversight by an unnamed Orlando Police officer, the diaper worn by the accused murderer on her 900 mile odyssey to commit the alleged crimes has shown up on the auction site eBay. Orlando Police Spokesman Ken Bridley said the officer "threw the diaper into a trashbag after the woman's arrest because the urine soaked diaper was possibly contaminating crucial fingerprint evidence." The trash bag was then mistakenly cleaned up upon cataloging the evidence and the police lost track of its whereabouts.
It is not known if the item listed on eBay is the actual diaper but eBay has not pulled the listing at this time. The item has 14 bids and is currently priced at $12.50. It is described as a "used Depends adult diaper, swollen, wet and funky smelling, stored in a zip lock bag." Orlando Police are investigating.

Apple releases yet another version of iphone!

On the heels of this weeks release of the long awaited iphone, the people at Apple have already introduced the first of many probable future variations of the highly reviewed iphone. "We just couldn't keep this to ourselves. It's too good." Steve Jobs said at an early morning internet press conference. "What we do is find something flawed and make it right." Jobs said regarding Apple's latest release nicknamed the idriftphone. " We've taken an piece of useless driftwood and embedded the fully functional iphone touchscreen and made a mediocre piece of floatsam function how people wished it would, no pun intended." Jobs joked. When questioned about the functionality of ordinary driftwood, Jobs indicated that mainly it was just not up to speed ergonomically. "It usually has sharp edges or dirt stuck in the cracks, things people don't like but that manufacturers like "God" apparently didn't care enough to fix. Secondly, the screen tends to look just like wood. I mean wood makes the crappiest screen ever." When asked if the increase in weight and size and the possibility of bugs would turn users off, Jobs replied "People will go bigger if it functions, feels and looks like it should, and bugs, come on it's an Apple not a PC!" While Jobs did indicate there may be shortages of driftwood in getting these first units to market, he assured loyal consumers that Apple has been coaching hordes of poor villagers all over Asia and Africa into chopping down trees to throw in the ocean for over two years. "I have a sneaking suspicion that the supply will rise to meet the demand." Jobs said with a wink.

Rockstar Games carjacks good taste yet again?

The post-modern un-darling-king of the gaming industry, Rockstar Games is turning up the heat on itself again. With the groundbreaking GTA series, San Andreas and Bully under their belt and all huge commercial successes despite the questionable subject matter, Rockstar is determined to push the bounds yet again. Have they gone too far this time?
Due out in early September, BULLY2-Problem Solver will have parents shaking in their boots. Unlike previous titles whom cast of characters somehow seemed to deserve their fate (remember even the carjacked grandpas on GTA would sometimes deliver an ass whipping) the targets of this game is...... parents. That's right Mom and Dad, after having has finished cleaning up the mess at school, the oppressed gang assemble for a new mis-adventure. In a somewhat philosophical turn that smacks of a Charlie Manson zeitgeist, the kids decide it's the parents fault that they had to endure the torment of their life in total. Who invented the society, schools, hierarchies we suffer under in the first place? Who instilled the total lack of skills necessary to navigate said structures? You get the drift.
So Rockstar has decided the world needs a game where you can not only torture, torment, and rape (although, not rape your own parents...you can rape your "friends" parents. At least that bound hasn't been crossed) but have a myriad of ways you can dispose of the evidence to continue to outwit the authorities and play on. While we cannot go into graphic details about the vivid gameplay options here, suffice it to say that the first XXX game rating will be issued and possibly only be available online to valid credit card holders.
Will the game stir controversy and hysteria to a new plateau? Damn right. Will the game be banned? Probably. Will this propel Rockstar in to the Super Rockstar game masters category for eternity. Bet on it. Just as the furor over their previous title was obsessed and fraught over and then completely digested by mainstream America almost overnight, including a CocaCola Super Bowl commercial that pays homage to GTA, this game, once out of the box will ensure lid can never be closed again. Sleep tight Mom and Dad.

Pottery Barn: largest home furnishing supporter of Gun Lobby

According to California regional NRA spokesman Ben Ternis, Pottery Barn, the California based home furnishings retail giant is "very active" in supporting the right for Americans to bear arms. "They have given large sums of money and volunteer time to help the cause of freedom for the support of the constitutional right to bear arms." said Ternis Monday at a meeting of the Fresno Chamber of Commerce. Ternis continued to describe a situation where the media was consistently overplaying the case against corporate gun supporters and that it was somehow waning. "It's just not true." said Ternis. "You might look at Pottery Barn and see some kind of woodsy, cuddly forest supporting company just because they use wood to make many of their products. But you would be wrong, they are running a business, and guns are good for business in so many obvious ways, but that is not to say that Pottery Bran isn't actually forest supporting, because those two causes are not mutually exclusive." Mr. Ternis did not go on to specify in what ways guns were good for business but did finish with an unprecedented admission by the NRA. "Guns obviously kill people but come on, people may have been knifed on a 7' sectional sofa slipcovered in twill, but does that make it wrong for Pottery barn to continue to make a living or to do what's right for America?" Williams-Sonoma, the parent company of Pottery Barn could not be reached for comment.