3/27/07
Wikipedia reaches the logical conclusion
Wikipedia, the web's most unique and massive utilization of free zombie labor, has reached a decision on the future direction of the successfully strange experiment. Facing competition from Citizendium, questions about it's accuracy and with the same blindly misguided Democratic force that made it the world's most popular online encyclopedia, Wikipedia has subjected itself to "speedy deletion" due to complete irrelevance. As one former Wiki administrator "nawlin's wiki"commented after the announcement," It was like, What am I doing? I have wasted three years of my life waving an imaginary big dick around cyberspace, and for what? I've got these idiotic barnstars created by other dumbshits and "awarded" to me and a big list of other people's writing I crapped on and a bigger list of my accomplishments that somebody else could just EDIT! I am just going back to jerking off to porn. I should have designed some software or at least had a girlfriend" Lessons learned.
3/23/07
The 93,600,000 Yen Cum Shot
Prince of Japanese porn Asakada Yumicho signed a deal on Wednesday with mega mogul Richard Branson to film the first ever porn movie in space for an incredible $800,000. Scheduled for 2009, the movie will be filmed on Virgin Galactica's initial commercial flight of SpaceShipOne and will have three male actors, two camera men and has actually brought famed Japanese Fuck Girl Akira Watase out of retirement.
Yumicho responded to questions about safety of the actors and the overall cost of the project; "Look, this is only going to happen once, and as a proud Japanese patriot, I was going to make sure we were the ones to do it. We have perfected this art on this planet and we will be the first to perfect it in space. In terms of physical safety, the actors are well aware of the dangers involved but are proud to participate in this historical event regardless of the risks."
The beautiful 23 year old Watase stated in Tokyo on Thursday "After taking literally thousands of cumshots in my face, ass and pussy, how bad could space be? I mean a 4 minute scene should be no problem after experiencing gangbangs that sometimes lasted for six or seven hours straight. Really, I once drank 132 ounces of spunk! I am more worried about making sure the goo gets on my face and in a beautiful and elegant way!"
Her concerns seem well founded considering no one truly knows the effect weightlessness will have on the actors. "The guys will have to be getting ready for the big shot before take off even occurs" laughed Branson, "we are talking about a ninety second flight before reaching weightlessness and four minutes of that isn't a long time to reach a climax! At least for an old guy like me." When asked why a man with everything would want to participate in such a questionable historical event, Branson said "It's my way of realizing a personal fantasy I had of ejaculating on the face of that black bitch from the old Star Trek. But she's an old woman now, so why not this? Besides, I am so rich who can say bollocks?"
Yumicho seemed less concerned about his male actors or the negative press. "I am taking my most dependable shooters, they cum on command like good soldiers, these guys could cum while asleep if need be. They will deliver. I am more worried about the technical aspects and making sure to capture this moment beautifully for Japan and for mankind. There will be only one take, it is the epitome of utilizing ones ultimate skills." The plot and action sequence is tightly under wraps but it is assumed the movies will involve pre-flight foreplay and copulation, the space money shots and some sperm play while floating back to earth. If Yumicho holds to his artful tradition, fans will make this THE classic Japanese cosplay movie. Three small cumshots for Wakase, one giant squirt for outerspace sex movies.
Yumicho responded to questions about safety of the actors and the overall cost of the project; "Look, this is only going to happen once, and as a proud Japanese patriot, I was going to make sure we were the ones to do it. We have perfected this art on this planet and we will be the first to perfect it in space. In terms of physical safety, the actors are well aware of the dangers involved but are proud to participate in this historical event regardless of the risks."
The beautiful 23 year old Watase stated in Tokyo on Thursday "After taking literally thousands of cumshots in my face, ass and pussy, how bad could space be? I mean a 4 minute scene should be no problem after experiencing gangbangs that sometimes lasted for six or seven hours straight. Really, I once drank 132 ounces of spunk! I am more worried about making sure the goo gets on my face and in a beautiful and elegant way!"
Her concerns seem well founded considering no one truly knows the effect weightlessness will have on the actors. "The guys will have to be getting ready for the big shot before take off even occurs" laughed Branson, "we are talking about a ninety second flight before reaching weightlessness and four minutes of that isn't a long time to reach a climax! At least for an old guy like me." When asked why a man with everything would want to participate in such a questionable historical event, Branson said "It's my way of realizing a personal fantasy I had of ejaculating on the face of that black bitch from the old Star Trek. But she's an old woman now, so why not this? Besides, I am so rich who can say bollocks?"
Yumicho seemed less concerned about his male actors or the negative press. "I am taking my most dependable shooters, they cum on command like good soldiers, these guys could cum while asleep if need be. They will deliver. I am more worried about the technical aspects and making sure to capture this moment beautifully for Japan and for mankind. There will be only one take, it is the epitome of utilizing ones ultimate skills." The plot and action sequence is tightly under wraps but it is assumed the movies will involve pre-flight foreplay and copulation, the space money shots and some sperm play while floating back to earth. If Yumicho holds to his artful tradition, fans will make this THE classic Japanese cosplay movie. Three small cumshots for Wakase, one giant squirt for outerspace sex movies.
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